Calvin Quotes 1              Calvin Quotes  2                  Other Quotes                  Dialogues




Calvin :

That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
 "Nobody asks me how things oughta be! I've got tons of ideas!"
 "Now, a lifetime of experience has left me bitter and cynical."
 "My time is valuable. I can't go on thinking about one subject for minutes on end. I'm a busy man."
 This one’s tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen …
 Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
 “Work fascinates me, I can watch it for hours.”
 “I’ve got plenty of common sense…. I just choose to ignore it.”
 But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!
 My brain always rejects attitude transplants.
“I ‘m not a vegetarian! I’m a dessertarian.”
“Girls are like slugs, they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what!”
“Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?”
“Obviously my body doesn’t believe a word my brain is saying.”
“What on earth am I doing inside on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I’ve got to live!!”
"I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal."
 "If it was completely different, school would be great."
 "If warped values are the price of a vicarious thrill, so be it!"
 "I've been visualizing the conceptualization process. That's the hard part."
 Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?
 “Love makes the world go round!”
 If you don't get a good night kiss, you get Kafka dreams.
 “It’s not summer if your tongue isn’t purple.”
 “Summer is butter on your chin and corn mush between every tooth.”
  “It’s a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it’s light out.”
 “This food is allergic to me.”
 Shock and titillate me! I've got money!
 Calvin: It's a magical world, Hobbes, ol' buddy...Let's go exploring!
 It’s no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.
 It's only work if somebody makes you do it
 It's that moment of dawning comprehension I live for.
 It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
 My only regret is blowing the best day of my life while I'm so young - Calvin prepares a water-balloon ambush for Susie
 Reality continues to ruin my life.
 So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.
 So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
 To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
 We are a fierce and dirty band of cut-throat pirates! Keep a sharp lookout matey, we dont want any sissy girls on our ship!
What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.”
“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time.”
“Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.”
“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!”
“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”
“Don't walk away! I'm trying to apologize you dumb noodleloaf!”
“History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction.”
“Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?”
“I can't tell if that's funny or really scary.”
Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
Verbing weirds language.
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it.
“I wonder if I can grow fangs when my baby teeth fall out.”
“Unfortunately for my report, mom caught me and I didn't get to see how it ended.”
Most people don't sleep well next to a hungry tiger.
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep everyone's expectations.
If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?!
Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.
it's my dessert that's gross! look, a thermos full of phlegm!
My favorite ritual is eating three bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and watching TV cartoons all Saturday morning.
A good compromise leaves everybody mad.
I hate being good (or trying to fake it).
But I like my idea better.
You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude.
Idiocy is the essence of the male mind.
I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track.
You know you'll hate something when they won't tell you what it is.
Existence is not only temporary, it's pointless!
Well, it puts a bad day in perspective.
I flunked a test today, but I don't mind.
It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
Studies in Contemporary State-Sponsored Terrorism. ....Also known as gym class.
Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?
She didn't even give me credit for my professional clear plastic binder!
'I've been thinking, Hobbes.' 'On a weekend?' 'Well, it wasn't on purpose...'
I just can't identify with that kind of work ethic.
Rats. I thought I could make an easy four bucks.
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
FLUSSH! Whee! Ha Ha Ha. -Mom, I'm done with my bath now.
I don't need to study! I don't need to learn!
I can always get by on my good looks and charm!
Divine retribution, that's what!
Homework, I command thee, BE DONE!
What business is it of yours, jerk?!
My dreams are getting way too literal.
Mothers are the necessity of invention.
I've been good all day so far.
Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
I like to say 'quark'! Quark, quark, quark, quark!
What do they think I am, an engineer?
The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is in it.
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.
Somehow I imagined this experience would be more rewarding.
I don't DO math anymore. I decided I'm more of a visual person. -Visualize being the only 45-year-old in the first grade.
Boy, rough life, huh? What have YOU done today?!
I'm happy, but it's not like I'm ecstatic.
I'd explain it, but there's a lot of math.
There's no head rest on this chair! I should sue for whiplash!
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
Mom and Dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in...But everytime I do, they tell me to stop it.
What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?
OK, so I was wrong for once in my life! Shut up.
“I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside.”
“People pay more attention to you when they think you’re up to something.”
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!
“A smoke grenade, a gas mask, and a helicopter……. that’s all I ask.”
I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine, and valleys of frustration and failure.”
I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! [pause] Well, no I don't. Not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead.
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
After Calvin nails Susie with a snowball he walks up to her and says “I must say, the stinging snow makes your cheeks look positively radiant.”
If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the Declaration of Independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative to not know this material. I'll be out in the playground.
“Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.”
“The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take milk for example. Why do we drink COW milk? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said. “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ‘em!”
“There aren’t very many heroes these days. Who is out there to inspire us with a personal example of virtue and self-sacrifice in the name of a higher good? Who can we look up to? Business Leaders? Sports Figures? Politicians? Celebrities? Heck, we’re lucky if they don’t end up in prison! As usual, the hero business is up to me!”
"I used to make original snowmen, but it was time consuming, hard work. So I said, heck, this is crazy! Now I crank out crude imitations of what's already popular! It takes no time or thought, and most people don't care about the difference, anyway! And what good is originality if you can't crank it out?"

Calvin Quotes 1        Calvin Quotes  2        Other Quotes        Dialogues

Images and text are Copyright of Bill Watterson











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